One Day, We Will Be
by Breakmedownx09
Summary: When outside forces tell you its wrong, do you listen?
1. Part 1

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I read the end of the letter, reluctantly:

_You'll forever be in my heart._

Goodbye, Spencer.

_2 years ago_

**Ashley's POV **

_**August 2, 2007**_

I called Jess to have a very serious conversation with her today. _We were best friends in grade school, but then she moved out of state right before 5th grade. We keep in contact as much as possible and every now and then we visit each other for a weekend. She's my go-to girl when I need to talk about __**things**__._

_Ring…Ring…Ring… _"Heeello?" she said in a perky tone.

"Jess, I'm not in the mood for your perkiness. I need your help. I have a HUGE straight girl crush that will not go away."

Jess sighed on the other end. She dragged out, "Again?"

In an annoying tone, I replied, "Yes, again and it's becoming out of hand."

She sighed again and said, "Ash, we've been over this a million times. How could you not know what to do by now?"

I confessed, "This time is different. I think I'm in love with her."

Jess gasped on the other end, pretending to cough up something. She finally said, "Ashley Davies in love?"

She's lucky she wasn't next to me because I would've swung at her_._ I said angrily, "Shut up. Just help me."

Jess calmed down, "Okay, okay. First off, are you sure she's straight?"

I answered confidently, "Yes, I'm certain."

She shot another one at me, "How much time do you spend with her in a day?"

I admitted, "A lot. Well, not a lot. We don't have any classes together, which sucks 'cause I want to be around her all the time, but we always hang out at lunch. Then, whenever we have free time, we usually spend it together."

Jess sounded like she was analyzing my situation. She uttered, "Mhm… Mhm. What is it that makes you want to be with her? Or, better yet, why do you think you're in love with her?"

I didn't think twice about what the answer was because I think about it all day_._ I said, "I love the way she can cheer me up, without even knowing. I love that she has really good morals, like me." I began to ramble off after that and listed everything on my mind. I continued, "I love the way she smells. I have no idea what its from. Whether it's the shampoo or perfume or body spray she uses, but I know no one has that same scent. She has this really cute face when she pretends to be mad at me. It drives me crazy. We have the best of times when we're together. She may talk too much sometimes, but I don't mind it because as long as I'm with her, I'm happy."

Jess cut me off, "I think you're the one that talks too much."

All I could say was, "Shut up. Was that good enough?"

"Yea. I can tell you really like her. You've never talked that way about any girl."

"I know. That's because I'm sure this is _the one_. The only problem is that she's straight!"

She didn't wait two seconds to ask, "Does she know you're gay?"

I abruptly said, "No! What are you kidding? Her family is totally religious and probably totally anti-gay and all of that stuff. If I told her I'm gay, she probably would never talk to me again. I'm definitely not going to risk our friendship with that."

Jess sighed, again, "Ash, I don't know what to say because it sounds like you're really in love with her." She waited a few moments for a reply, but I didn't please her. "I'm just gonna give you the same advice I always do, except this'll be a little different because of how religious you claim her to be." She sighed, "Just think about how it won't work out. Think about the fact that you can't have her because she doesn't like you in that sense. You don't even feel safe enough to tell her that you're gay." She had the guts to ask, "Is she even a real friend?"

I cut her off, "Don't even think about saying that! She's my best friend. We've been friends for so long and she's put up with so much. Shall I bring up the shit that happened with Madison?"

_I met Madison in grade school and Spencer in middle school. I was on and off friends with Madison up until 8th grade. It was a very weird relationship because we either were really good friends or hated each other so much that we couldn't stand to look at each other. So, somehow, in 5th or 6th grade, Spencer and Madison became BFFs. It didn't bother me until I was introduced to Spencer in 7th grade._

Spencer and I instantly became friends. I remember having history together in 7th grade and it was one of the best times of my life. Hopefully it was for her, too. We had so many laughs in that class because we would always watch an "educational film" that never had an impact on our class. Instead of watching the film, we either passed notes or whispered to each other in class. It was so much fun because we thought we were being "rebellious." Then, we got older and we learned what "being rebellious" meant.

Anyways, I felt Spencer and I were pretty close friends, but I knew not as close as her and Madison. It still didn't bother me—yet. I always felt Madison didn't like me, deep down, because I was so close with Spencer. I wish I could just punch her out, but I can't—it's too late now. 

_So, in 8th grade, somehow, someway, Madison and I got into this huge fight. Not a physical one, but I wish it were because I would've showed her whose boss. I seriously don't know what started it, but I bet it had something to do with the fact that Spencer and I were really good friends. She was too jealous to even see Spencer talking to me. Now that I think about it, I bet Madison had a huge crush on her and couldn't stand to see another girl even with her. I'm getting off track, here…_

_This fight caused Madison and I to never talk to each other again. I really didn't mind it until I figured out that Spencer was pissed at me for getting into the fight with Madison in the first place. As time went on, I realized that Spencer was going to take Madison's side no matter what, even if it's me against her. She wasn't even going to let me have a say. It pissed me off. At that point, I felt like Madison had "won." She had "won" Spencer. I couldn't have that._

_Pretty soon Spencer tried to ignore me as much as possible, but it didn't last too long. We continued to talk and maintained our friendship, but it was never the same after that. I had to "share" Spencer. If I were talking to Spencer, Madison would come up, like the bitch that she was, and "take" Spencer away. Spencer would go along with it, which also bothered me. I never knew if she did it because she wanted to or because she was afraid to not go with Madison. She might have been afraid of the repercussions that would've occurred._

Madison eventually moved out of state (There is a God). My friendship with Spencer instantly became wonderful after that. Probably even better than how it was in 7th grade. Now that I think about it, I don't think Spencer kept in contact with her. I wonder why.

I don't know why or how Spencer stayed friends with me through that whole thing, but I'm sure as hell glad she did. 

_That's why Spencer is my best friend. She could've taken Madison over me, but for some odd reason, she chose both of us._

Jess agreed, "Okay, Okay. I see your point, but I still think you have no chance with her because of many factors: She's straight, she's religious, and she wouldn't fall for someone like you." She began to laugh.

"That's not funny," I said semi-angrily. I heard her laughing in the background. "You know what?"

She caught her breath and asked, "What?"

"You're absolutely no help so I'm just going to hang up on you."

Jess laughed, "Okay bye."

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_**August 24, 2007 **_

Jess came over on Friday to stay over for the weekend and helped me coordinate Spencer's surprise birthday party.

_**The Party**_

Aiden walked up to me and disrupted my concentration on Spencer. He said in an unsure tone, "I think I'm going to ask Spencer to dance with me."

_I was going to ask her to dance, except it wouldn't have been in a way that would've caused her to freak out._ I made up an excuse to let him down gently, "Aiden, I don't know if she's gonna say yes."

"Why?"

I confessed, "I hate to break this to you, but I don't think Spencer likes you enough to go out with you. I'm sorry. I tried to convince her, but she won't budge." He created a very disappointed face, which made me sad because I saw how much he cared about her. I suggested something, "Aiden, why don't you go and have fun tonight? Don't worry about how Spencer feels about you. Just party your heart out. Maybe you'll meet a girl who'll fall in love with you."

Aiden tried to put a smile on his face, but it didn't work. He walked back into the jungle of people who were rubbing up against each other.

Within seconds, I saw Spencer walking up to me. I put a smile on my face to set the mood of the conversation. "Ashley, this is the absolute best present anyone could've given me. You're the best friend in the whole world," she said enthusiastically as she smiled widely. _Yea, friend_.

She grabbed my hand to bring me onto the dance floor. _Normally, I would grind the person(s) I'm with like there was no tomorrow, but not with Spencer. With Spencer, I want to be a more calm, not as erratic person. She makes me want to be different. That's a good thing, right?_

***

"So _that's_ Spencer? _The_ Spencer Carlin?" Jess asked me as we looked over at Spencer having a blast with her (our) friends.

"Yea. Yea, it is," I nodded my head as my eyes stayed fixed on Spencer.

She said, "You really picked a winner. She's so awesome. We talked for quite a bit and she's a really cool person. And her body is…"

"Perfect," I project out of my mouth quietly.

She didn't hear that, but she trailed off onto another topic, "If I should say so myself, I thought Spencer was kind of flirting with me."

I turned my head sharply to look at her. I said in shock, "No way!"

"I'm just kidding."

"That's not funny because I have to admit, I'm starting to think Spence isn't into boys," I looked over at Jess to see her reaction. She simply nodded her head. "I really don't understand why she won't go out with Aiden—or Tony. Both of them like her and it _seems_ she likes them, too. So what's holding her back?"

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_**December 15, 2007**_

Spencer and I were sitting on her bedroom floor, criss-cross style. We both had books on our laps with at least one notebook and a couple of writing utensils to take substantial notes.

I put my pencil down, from my hand, onto my open book. I dropped my book onto the floor. I stretched out my arms from being in that position so long, studying. I chose to start a conversation to break Spencer away from her studies. I said, not wanting to start a fight, "So what is it that's stopping you from going out with Tony or Aiden?"

She didn't pick up her head from her book, "Ash, this is not the time to talk about this. We both have finals coming up, so we need to study."

I made an excuse, "I think we'll be fine if we take a five minute break. Now answer the question."

She still didn't pick up her head, "I already told you why."

I replied quickly, "No you didn't, Spence. Those were just excuses and you know it."

She mumbled, "I don't want to talk about it."

I cracked my knuckles, "Why?"

She mumbled louder this time, "Because I don't want to talk about it."

I assured her, "I'm not going to laugh or anything. You can tell me anything. You're my best friend."

She spoke, "I know you are, but some things just need to be left unsaid."

I created a confused look, "Now, you're creeping me out. What is it that you're hiding from me? You can tell me, Spence." I paused a few moments. "Why is it that you won't go out with _at least _one of them?"

She picked up her eyes up to look at the floor a few inches from her. She fixed her eyes on that spot when she said, "Because I like…"

"You like who, Spencer?"

"No, never mind," she looked back at her book and continued to work.

"Spencer, you're going to tell me or I'm going to leave," I threatened, only to get to the point. I would never just leave her_._

There was a significant pause before she even created a huff of air. She finally looked up at my eyes and confessed, "Because I like _you_."

My eyes grew like quarters within a second. I began to huff and puff at what I just heard. I asked myself, "Did I just dream that or did Spencer actually say that?" I sat there a few seconds. I thought, "I was 100% sure she was straight. What happened?"

I breathed out, "What?"

She repeated again, "Because I like you. I always have." She paused. "Ever since 7th grade history-"

I stopped her words by jumping towards her to kiss her, hard. She took my reaction in a positive way and joined in on the passion. She grabbed my cheek to grasp my face, as our kisses got deeper and deeper.

Even though our lips smacking together made quite some noise, we managed to hear someone running up the stairs. We quickly broke away and gathered our things together to make it seem like we were still working.

Her mom barged in with homemade brownies. Her brownies are awesome, but not awesome enough to forgive her from barging in on our make out session. She asked, "How's the studying going guys?"

Spencer answered, "It's going really well. We're getting a lot done."

Her mom replied, "That's good." She paused and looked back and forth at the two of us. "Well, I'll just leave you two to study." She smiled as she walked out, closing the door behind her.

I looked at Spencer and there was a moment of silence. I said what was on my mind, "I have so many questions for you."

She smiled, "Shoot."

_I asked this because it was the first thing that came to mind for some reason_, "So is that why you stayed friends with me when Madison and I were at each other's throats—because you liked me?"

She made an embarrassed face, but I don't know why. She nodded her head up and down.

I confessed, "I always wondered why you didn't just leave me in the dust for Madison. But I also couldn't understand why you were even friends with her in the first place." I smirked.

She slapped my shoulder. She said, "Shut up." She paused. "Might I recall the fact that _you_ were friends with _her_, too?"

I blurted out, "But that was totally different. _I_ realized she was a bitch, you never did." She gave me an annoyed face. I confessed, "I never liked her because she always took you away from me."

She looked me deeply into my eyes and leaned over to give me a quick peck on the lips. I looked at her seriously and said, "I will never let anyone take you away from me. Ever."

She replied simply, "Thank you."

I changed the subject, "I have another question."

"Okay…"

"Are you gay?" _It was really abrupt, but it just slipped out_.

"Yea. I actually _just_ figured it out over the summer."

I consoled her, "That's fine. As long as it's figured it out."

She grabbed my hand gently. She looked me in the eyes. She said, "Yea. Now I can be with you the way I always wished I could be." She smiled at me. There was a long pause. She said suddenly, "Wait. You're gay?"

I dragged out my answer, "Yea."

She asked, "How come you never told me?"

I lied, reluctant to tell her the real reason, "It never came up for discussion?"

She blew it off, "Oh whatever."

She gave me a little peck on the lips. We placed our foreheads against each other for a few moments. I broke away from her to say, "How did you know? I mean how did you know you liked me? There are tons of girls out there, so why me?"

She smiled as she said, "I just knew." She looked down at the floor. "I knew that there was always something missing when I wasn't with you. I didn't feel complete whenever we were apart." She stopped. "I know this probably sounds so weird, but I'm almost sure I'm in love with you." She bit her lip, waiting for a good response.

I smiled back at her. I inched closer to her to place another kiss on her soft lips. I looked at her with a serious face and said, "I was always hoping you were. Because _I'm_ almost sure I'm in love with _you_."

This time, she kissed me. It was a little harder than the past few kisses. We got into it almost instantly. The sexual tensions over the years were put into full force. Our kissing made us look like we couldn't get enough of each other. _Well, that's actually the truth._

I had to break away from Spencer, but only to catch my breath. I said in shock, "So _this_ is what we've been missing all these years? I can't believe it." I smiled at her.

She began to breathe heavily and made a serious face. It seemed like a light bulb turned on in her head—a very dark, disturbing light bulb. I couldn't look at it because it was scaring me. I asked, "Spence, what is it?"

She breathed out, "Ash, get out."

I asked in fear, "Why, Spencer?"

She didn't look at me. She gathered my books together and began to put them in my backpack. She finally said, "Ash, just get out."

I looked at her, hoping she would've looked at me, but there was no such luck. I demanded, "No. I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. I hate when you do this!"

Spencer looked at her door to see if anyone was standing there, like her obnoxious brother. The doorway was clear. She slowly began to cry, while still packing up my books. She continued to not look at me, "Ash just leave now, before you get hurt."

I asked in confusion, "Spence, how am I going to get hurt? _You're_ going to hurt me? You won't hurt me because I know that you love me. You just told me so. And I won't let you back away from me because I know how much I mean to you."

She sniffed, "This isn't going to work out, Ash. Can't you see that?"

I replied quickly, "How will it not work out? We love each other. We always have. And we always will. What's the problem?"

She finally looked at me, "My parents! That's why." She caught me off guard with that one. I mean, I always expected them to be anti-gay, but always hoped it wasn't true. "There's no way my parents will accept _me_ or _us_." She shook her head.

I wasn't going to back away from that—our chance to be together. I've wanted it for so long and to just throw it away was not an option_._ I took my backpack and books from her hands. She began to cry harder. I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her. I just hoped no one was going to barge in anytime soon or even hear her crying. I tried to comfort her and get her to calm down with a soothing tone. I gently rubbed the back of her head. I said, "Spencer, it's going to be alright." I paused. "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

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_**Later that night, 12:00 am**_

_Ring…Ring… _"Ash, stop bothering me," Jess said on the other end.

"I gotta tell you something really important," I said excitedly.

She yawned, "What is so important at three in the morning?"

_Jess lives in Pennsylvania. I'm in California—L.A. to be exact and she's three hours ahead, but I don't care because it was really important and I thought she would be shocked to hear about it. _

I demanded, "Guess what happened tonight."

She yawned again, "You figured out that you're crazy to call someone at three o'clock in the morning?"

I said elatedly, "No, something better than that." I paused a few seconds. "To make a long story short, Spencer told me that she's had a crush on me ever since 7th grade. She also told me that she's practically in love with me!"

I could tell Jess became alert when I said that. She said, "Oh my God. Are you serious? Spencer? _The_ Spencer?"

I replied quickly, "Yea! I couldn't believe it either." I paused to change the subject. "And then I told her how I felt about her and all that good stuff and then we kissed and kissed some more." I reminisced the night perfectly. I became slightly calm when I said, "And then something happened."

Jess practically screamed through the phone, "Ashley Davies!"

I immediately understood what she thought I meant. I assured her, "No! Nothing of that sort happened." I paused a few moments. "She began to cry. She told me to leave, but I didn't. She tried to kick me out of her room." I stopped. "She didn't want me to get hurt because she knows our relationship would never work out because of her parents." I stopped again. "All I could do was hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but I know that's probably not true."

Jess said, "Ashley, you've got a lot on your hands if you expect to be with this girl. You pretty much told me that her parents would probably disown her if they found out she were in love with a girl." She sighed. "All I can say is to be careful. Make sure, when you two feel it's the right time, tell her parents—in person. It'll probably be the hardest way of doing it, but I don't know what else to say."

I didn't say anything. I just soaked in all the advice she tried to give me.

She finally said, "Listen, I got get some sleep. School's tomorrow and you know how cranky I can be without enough sleep." She continued with sincerity, "I wish you two the best, Ashley. I really do." She paused again. "Goodnight Ash."

"Goodnight."

_**March 15, 2008**_

Spencer and I were sitting on the couch in the living room, surrounded by the whole family. I had Spencer comfortably resting in my arms. _My parents are totally okay with me being gay. And they absolutely love Spencer, which is a very good plus._ We were watching a home decorating show. _I don't know whose idea it was to turn it on, but I was getting used to it. It probably was Aiden who did it. He seemed really interested in it._

Anyways, a house that was absolutely gorgeous popped up on the show. It was a white house with blue shudders and a white picket fence. It was a dream home. The beauty was worth $750,000_. Of course, something that gorgeous has to be that expensive_. Spencer gasped as soon as she saw it. She said, "That's so beautiful."

I nudged her a little. I said, "Isn't it?"

Spencer turned around to look me in the eyes. She looked stunned. She asked, "Since when did you get interested in things like this?"

I asked, "What? You don't think I know a beautiful thing when I see one? Then how do you explain us?" I started to tickle her. She goes nuts whenever I tickle her. I kept say, "Huh? Huh? Huh?"

She couldn't keep a smile off her face as she tried to swipe my hands away. She begged, "Ash, stop it."

I obeyed her wishes. My mom looked at us and jumped in, "Aren't they so cute?"

Spencer and I looked at each other seriously. I said after a few moments, "We are. Aren't we?" Spencer gave me a quick peck on the lips. I waited a few minutes, then looked back at the TV screen. I suggested to Spencer, "Hey, maybe we'll live in something that beautiful someday."

Spencer said quietly, "Yea maybe."

_**June 21, 2008**_

"But I want to see you before I leave tomorrow," Spencer pleaded on the other end.

I teased her in a whiny voice, "But what if I don't want to see you?"

She replied quickly, "Then I'd say you're a very bad liar. I'll be over in 15 minutes."

I agreed, "Okay, fine. I have something to give to you when you get here."

She said slyly, "I have something for you, too."

_**The promise:**_

_Ding-dong_

I answered the door, knowing who it was instantly. She appeared in my eyes and I immediately hugged and kissed her.

I grabbed her hand to lead her upstairs into my bedroom.

We got into my bedroom and Spencer immediately asked me eagerly, "So what is it that you have for me?"

I demanded, "Sit on the bed and I'll show you." I walked to my dresser and turned my back to Spencer. "You gotta learn to have patience." I covered up the gift with my body as I took it out and put it in my pocket.

I turned around to walk back towards Spencer. I sat to the right of Spencer, on my bed_. _It was really intense for me because I knew what I was about to give her, but she had no idea_._ I grabbed her right hand and pulled it closer to me. Spencer asked, "What are you doing, Ash?"

I smiled lightly, "I'm giving you your present." I reached in my pocket to reveal a beautiful light-blue diamond ring. The stone sparkled as the light reflected off of it.

Spencer gasped loudly. She said in shock, "Oh my God, Ashley. That is so beautiful."

I bit my lower lip as I placed it on Spencer's ring finger. I explained, "I didn't get you your birthstone color because I didn't think it would look as beautiful as this would. The blue goes so well with your gorgeous eyes."

Spencer lifted her hand to view the ring like a princess would. Her face suddenly resembled that she just realized something. She asked in confusion, "Is this supposed to be an engagement ring?"

I grabbed her hand to kiss it. I said, "Even though I would _love_ for that to be an engagement ring, it isn't. I'm sorry. It's more of a promise ring." Spencer opened her mouth a little. She was still in shock. "I know I'm being cliché by saying it's a promise ring, but it really is. It's a promise I'm making you that I will always love you. You'll forever be in my heart, no matter how far apart we are." I stopped. I teased, "And it only took me six months to realize that." I smiled to show her I was kidding with her.

Spencer smiled at me. She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Well, I think it's been a very…" _kiss_ "great…" _kiss_ "wonderful…" _kiss_ she rolled her eyes "amazing…" _kiss_ "six months." She pulled my bangs back from my face. She said, "I wouldn't have traded it for the world."

This time I kissed her. I couldn't refuse to smile with each and every kiss. Everything seemed so perfect, like nothing could go wrong. _But Spencer's parents still don't know about her or us. We still need to get over that hurdle._

I reminded her, "So what was it that you had to give to me?"

She shrugged her eyebrows and asked, "Honestly?"

"Yes?"

She inhaled deeply before saying, "Honestly, I was going to come over here and tell you that I wanted to take the next step in our relationship."

I asked, "You mean _engagement_ or the _other thing_?"

Spencer bit her lip, "The _other thing_."

I began to breathe heavily. _I was so nervous that I think my palms were starting to sweat. I had never imagined of doing _that_ with Spencer. Well, I fantasized about it, but never thought it would happen on those terms._

She didn't seem nervous. _She probably mentally prepared for that little speech of hers. How sneaky._

All I could say was, "Really?"

Spencer shook her head up and down. She put her hand on top of mine. She explained, "I'm going to be really cliché now." She paused. "I love you Ashley and I know you love me. And I think that people that love each other should do things like that."

I nodded my head in approval. I inched closer to her face to kiss her passionately. I brought her to lay her head on the bed to proceed with our _things. _

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_**June 25, 2008**_

_Ring…_ I picked up my phone from my nightstand and said groggily, "Hello?"

"Hey, Ash. Sorry to wake you up, but this was the only chance I got to talk to you alone," Spencer spoke on the other side.

I immediately arose from my bed and became perky. I said cheerfully, "Hey, Spencer. I'm so glad to hear your voice. I miss you so much, baby."

Spencer comforted me, "I know, babe. I miss you, too. It's so hard not being able to see you all the time. I'll be home in a few days, though." She paused. "But anyways, the reason why I'm calling you is to tell you that I think we should tell my parents about us, when I get back. A couple days after we come home, at least."

I questioned, "Are you sure about this?"

Spencer guaranteed me, "Yes, I'm sure. I think it's been a long enough time keeping it from them."

I sighed, "Okay." I paused. "I'll talk to you later?"

Spencer said genuinely, "Yea, hun. I love you."

I replied, "I love you too babe. Bye."

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_**July 1, 2008**_

Spencer came over today to help "mentally prepare" for what we were about to do tonight.

Soon enough, I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door to find Spencer, dressed as beautiful as usual. I smiled at her and opened my arms. I said as she was comfortably in my arms, "Hey cutie."

She pulled away from me, smiling, "Hey to you too." I closed the door. She informed, "We have to make this go as smoothly as possible so we set good grounds for Glen and Aiden."

_Here's the deal. The whole plan was for Spencer and me to first come out to her parents. Then Glen and Aiden would follow, if, by some slim chance, ours turned out well. Yea, Glen and Aiden are going out. I was shocked to find out Aiden is gay, but I think he felt the same way when he found that out about me. Surprisingly, Aiden and Glen turned out to be a cute couple. Even though they can't agree on a lot of things, they seem to be really happy together._

But not as happy as Spencer and me.

I nodded my head in approval. I said, "This better go well. We've been so worried about this 'meeting' for so long that it would be such a load off our shoulders if it went well."

She smirked, "Yea. If this all goes well, then there IS a God."

I sighed, "Yea."

_**The Big Meet**_

Dinner was going great at the Carlins'. The food was great or maybe _my_ plate was poisoned because they suspected something. We were having good, wholesome conversations, as usual. Her parents always liked me, but that changed by the end of the evening.

We weren't halfway through our dinner when Spencer announced, "I have something to say." She clutched my hand underneath the table. My heart was going slower and slower, the longer she dragged out the announcement. I could've sworn I saw stars.

With that clutch, I felt everything that was rushing through her. I felt her fear, her happiness, her anger, and her worry. I felt it all. Every single one of them because I'm pretty sure I had all of those emotions running ramped through my body.

Spencer looked at me, but I refused to look at her because it would've just made me more nervous. That whole "mentally prepare" session didn't help one bit. She stroked her thumb onto my hand, trying to sooth me, but it didn't work. Spencer finally looked at her parents to say, "Uhm… I don't know how to say this. Well, _we_ don't know how to say this…"

Paula demanded, "Spencer spit it out."

She took one deep breath to say, "Ashley and I are…" There was a pregnant pause before she finished, "…in love."

Paula's eyes widened bigger than quarters—probably the size of a half-dollar coin. I saw the fire of anger burning in them. I couldn't get my own eyes off of them. She slammed her fork on the table. She screamed, "What!"

Spencer said it one more time. _Was she trying to antagonize them? I think they heard it loud and clear._ "Ashley and I are in love."

Paula looked like her heart just dropped. Arthur looked like he was just shot. Glen, I thought was in a totally different world or at least wanted to be because he didn't like his parents' reactions to Spencer being gay. Spencer had her eyebrows shrugged while she looked back and forth from her dad to her mom. _Me?_ I was scared out of my mind. I didn't know what to expect.

With her eyes still bigger than quarters, Paula said to Spencer and Arthur, "Can I see you two in the kitchen?" She got up. She noticed neither had moved. She yelled, "Now!"

Spencer looked at me with a worried face. She must have known what was going to happen because she whispered as she got up from her seat, "I'm so sorry, Ash."

The kitchen is pretty much connected to the dining area that Glen and I were sitting at, but there is a door that blocks our view. I looked over at Glen, reluctantly, to see his facial expression. He looked worse than I felt right then. I didn't know if that was supposed to be good or bad.

I put my face in my hands to express the distress I felt. Pretty soon I heard screaming.

"This is not normal, Spencer!" I heard Paula's voice rise.

I heard my baby fighting for our relationship. She yelled, "Normal? What is **normal**? There is no definition of normal! Everyone has their own opinions of normalcy! You know what? I know that being with Ashley is **normal** because it feels right!"

A few seconds later I heard Paula scream again, "It is not accepted in God's eyes!"

_I'm very proud of what she said_. She said, "_We_ won't be accepted? Why would _we_ not be accepted when God excepts everyone—even serial killers?"

Pretty soon I heard Spencer's voice breaking because she was starting to cry. I held my ears to forbid the sound of her crying enter them. I couldn't stand to even hear her in that kind of pain. I began to shed tears.

I couldn't stand the pain and screaming anymore so I up and left. Glen tried to stop me from going by saying, "Ash, don't leave. Don't leave Spencer with this."

I mumbled under my breath as I got into my car, "Sorry, Glen, but I can't bare to see her in that much pain."

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_**July 12, 2008**_

_I haven't seen or heard from Spencer in three weeks. I did everything I possible could do to get in contact with her. I called, texted, wrote, and even e-mailed her. None of them were returned. I went to stop by her house, but I was too scared to even get out of the car. I don't know how that night went after I left and I don't want to make matters worse by going over there for Paula to yell at me._

I'm starting to think that Spencer doesn't want to talk to me. That sounds really terrible, but I can't figure out a good enough reason why she wouldn't return anything. I trust Spencer would figure out a way to talk to me if she really wanted to. Yet, again, it all depends on how well that night went after I left. It probably went a lot worse than I think.

Oh my… I just got a good idea. I'm gonna go ask Aiden how Glen's doing and then maybe I can get to Spencer somehow.

I miss her so much. I need to be with her. She's the love of my life. I'm probably too young to be saying that, but I've known for a while.

Enough of this shit, I'm gonna talk to Aiden. 

_**Well: **_

I walked up to Aiden in his bedroom and immediately asked, "How's Glen doing?"

He turned around in his computer chair to view me. He said simply, "He's okay."

I jumped to my request, "Aiden, I've never asked something so big from you, right?"

He said confidently, "You want me to get you with Spencer."

I said without fully taking in what Aiden said, "I want you to-" I paused. "Wait, how did you know?"

He gave me the "its-obvious" look. He said, "Ashley, I know you better than you think I know you. I can really tell how much you've changed since you haven't been with her."

I demanded, "Okay then help me!"

He hurried his words and said, "I'll call Glen right now."

I said as he dialed Glen's number, "Thanks." I began to twiddle my thumbs as I waited worriedly for a plan.

Glen picked up quickly. Aiden began to talk, "Glen, I need you to do something for me. I need you to get Spencer out of your house so her and Ashley can talk… I don't know think of something… Take her out to the movies or something… Well," Aiden looked at me. My face was really drained out from being exhausted trying to get a hold of Spencer. "Glen, please, hun, do this for me. Do this for Spencer…Mhm…Mhm…yea that's a great idea!" he practically jumped out of his seat. "Okay babe. I'll talk to you later, bye. Love you." He hung up the phone and started jumping up and down. He had a huge grin on his face.

I asked eagerly, "What! What do I have to do!"

He blurts it out, "He said his mom has been really hard on Spencer by keeping her on lockdown. She can't leave the house without someone with her, from the family. So, Glen came up with the idea of bringing Spencer to the gym and I would bring you." He paused. "He's gonna tell his mom that he's going to the gym because she'll fall for it and he'll bring her along to 'get her in shape'."

I said, "No wonder why Spencer hasn't talked to me. I bet her mom confiscated everything she had that kept her in contact with me." I paused to look at Aiden. I stormed out of the room, punching the wall. I yelled, "That fucking bitch!"

_All I can do is pray and hope for the best, tomorrow, cause I have no idea what I'm up against._

_**July 13, 2008**_

_I don't think I even have the strength to write what happened, but I should because my therapist tells me to write whatever's on my mind. Here it goes:_

Aiden and I walked through the gym doors and immediately felt the cool blast of the air conditioning hitting our face. I scanned the entire gym instantly before moving any farther, looking for Spencer or even Glen. The gym wasn't packed, but I didn't see them. I nudged Aiden on the shoulder, "Do you see them?"

He responded as he continued to inspect the area, "No." A couple seconds go by and Aiden abruptly announced, "I see Glen."

I quickly asked before I realized he was walking towards him, "Where?" He didn't answer so I just followed him, instead. We walked across the gym to reach where Glen was standing. Aiden right away greeted Glen, "Hey hun."

They did their little handshake or whatever and I interrupted by asking, "Where's Spencer?"

Glen looked over at me and updated me, "She's in the bathroom." I didn't waste any time. I darted out of the weight room and into the girls' bathroom quicker than anything. I pushed the door open, causing it to slam against the wall, almost ricocheting to hit me back in the face. I said loudly, "Spencer."

Seconds later, I saw Spencer, freeing herself from a stall. With her bloodshot eyes and a body that looked like she hadn't eaten a good meal in weeks, she walked over to be in my arms. She rested her head in my chest as she declared, "I missed you so much, Ashley."

I wrapped my arms around her tightly. I comforted her, "It's okay. I'm here now." I kissed her head. Her body even felt like she wasn't eaten. It worried me to see her like that.

After a few moments, she broke away from me. She confessed, "My mom took away everything. Absolutely everything. My phone, my computer—everything!"

"Did you get my letters?"

She looked at me with a puppy face and asked, "You wrote to me?"

I blurted out, "I wrote, I called, I texted, I e-mailed. I did everything, Spence. I did everything." There was a long pause for her to take all of that in. I said, "We can see each other everyday now because we're doing this whole 'meet at the gym' thing."

She began to cry. I didn't know what I said wrong. She uttered, "That's not gonna happen."

I asked in confusion, "Why?" She began to cry harder. I felt like I was making her cry. I almost started crying right there. I begged, "Spencer, tell me." I waited a little longer for a reply. "Please Spencer."

She finally confessed, "My mom is sending me to a gay camp in Ohio that will turn me straight. I'm leaving tomorrow. I'll be gone until next summer. Only my mom knows—not even Glen knows."

I couldn't believe what I just heard. I almost broke out in tears right then. I said, "What? She can't do that!"

Spencer started shaking her head and cried harder. She pleaded, "She did. Just please don't-"

I got sharp with her, "Don't what! Don't yell! How can I not yell, Spencer! They're taking you away from me! How do you expect me to feel?"

She got serious, "Don't you think this is tearing me apart too? I mean, I have to live a whole year in some fucked up place that thinks they'll turn me straight. And you're not even going to be there."

I realized how much more pain she felt, right then. I was causing her more pain. I wrapped her in my arms and immediately said, "I'm so sorry." I kissed the top of her head. I held her for a couple minutes. I came up with a "good" idea. "Spencer lets just run away, right now."

She started crying again.

I asked, "Why?"

She shakes her head again. "My mom knows too many cops, who know higher up cops. If we ran away, we wouldn't get far and you'd probably get sent to jail."

All I could do was shake my head.

"Ash, I tried everything I could, but I can't get out of it." A little bulb went off in her head. "Oh, I didn't tell you the worst part. This is the strictest camp in the country, which means no technology, no writing to anyone, but family members, and visitors have to be certified family members."

My heart sank. I didn't know what to do. The love of my life was slowly slipping away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. "Spencer…"

"Ash, just let me go to this thing. I'll pretend to be straight and I'll be home as soon as I can to with you. I'll have you in the back of my mind to get me home quicker." She took the ring out of her pocket. She said, "Take this, before my mom does. I want you to have it because I don't know what will happen to it if I leave it home or even bring it with me."

I took the ring from her hand, very reluctantly, "You promise?"

"I promise. I'll come back to you as soon as I can. And as soon as I get home, you're the first person I'm going to visit. I love you so much." She put her forehead against mine.

"I love you too. I always have and always will."

_So that's what happened. I said my goodbyes to her when we left the gym. It was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. I'm not going to talk to her or see her in a year, at most—I hope. _

_1 year later_

_**August 20th, 2009**_

_It's been over a year since Spencer left and nothing has happened. The last I heard, Glen told me Spencer is still in Ohio. They must've found out about her relationship with me and had to make sure she was de-gayed._

I'm leaving for college, University of Boston to be exact, in a few days. If Spencer doesn't show up within the next couple of days, I'm gone. In the past year, I gave up on our relationship. I know I shouldn't have, but it's time for the both of us to move on. I'm a different person now and she probably is, too.

I told Aiden to give Spencer this collection of journal entries I've written over the past couple of years that are about our relationship or us. I was going to show her when she got back, but well it's self-explanatory. I want her to see what went on behind the scenes to our relationship. It'll be something for her to read, if she wants, to remember us.

I also wrote her a goodbye letter. 

_That's it._

**Spencer's POV**

_**September 3, 2009**_

I stopped by Ashley's house to tell her I'm home, but she left before saying goodbye. I just finished reading the journal entries Aiden gave me. I wipe away the tears from my face. I begin to read the goodbye letter.

_August 15, 2009_

_To my dear Spencer,_

But only once in a lifetime there is a sudden breeze that passes by. That breeze is what I would like to call "love." We, humans, chose for ourselves whether or not to take in its purity, it's highs, and it's lows, while risking the affect of the toxins that could be seeded in it. I, Ashley Davies, took in a deep breath of the breeze that blew by me on December 15, 2007.

That is one breath of air I will never regret taking. Despite the anger and pain it caused, I would never let the opportunity to be in love with you, blow by. You brought me valuable things that I will forever cherish. You brought me emotions I never thought that could be felt for another person. You brought me peace and comfort in my soul, each and everyday. You brought me inspiration to achieve my goals.

Our love was different from any other kind. We have an undeniable love for each other that will forever be accurate. What we had was real and would've lasted for eons, but it had to end. God felt it was right for it to be over and we have to accept it. Everything happens for a reason and I fully believe that because God brought you to me to show me what real love meant and to cherish it.

I'm not trying to make you cry or regret what we had because I would never want that. Don't cry because it's over. Just remember what we had and live on with that. That's what I'm trying to do. I feel this is the right thing to do now. I feel it's time for me to grow up and live my life without you.

And maybe we will meet each other again in the future. And if we do, I'll look at you and smile and remember all of the memories we had with each other. That's what I will hold onto forever. Maybe, if we see each other in the future, we will be Ashley and Spencer. Maybe we'll grow even more in love and eventually grow old together and get that white picket-fenced house, but not now. Right now, we will live apart, hoping for another encounter with each other.

I need to stop before I start crying. I wish you the best in life, Spencer. I know you'll be great and you'll live happily with someone. You'll know what's right for you and you'll go after it. Just don't follow what you're mom wants you to do. Do what you want to do.

Spencer, I love you. I always have and I always will. 

I read the end of the letter, reluctantly:

_You'll forever be in my heart._

Goodbye, Spencer.

Maybe one day, we will be. 


	2. Part 2

_3 years later _

Ashley's POV

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_**July 17, 2012**_

_Well, it's been exactly two years and 336 days since I wrote that letter. But whose counting? Ha-ha._

_I am._

_Since the collection and the letter, I've been through three years of college. I'm succeeding rather well. I'm majoring in Music. I plan on becoming a singer to write my own songs and all of that good stuff. I'm on break right now and Aiden and I are going to Florida for vacation for three weeks. It seems long, but I need the vacation. The original plans were for Jess, Glen, Aiden, and I to go together, but a last minute business trip to Arizona and a very sick mother (Jess's mom), altered our plans. I really wanted to go, so Aiden and I went. Yup, Aiden and Glen are still together. I'm surprised they haven't eloped by now. _

_Since the collection, I've continued to write in my journal whenever I felt the urge. It helps me vent my emotions that I can't out loud. And today was just another day I felt the urge to write. _

_So…since the letter, Spencer and I haven't spoken. Last I heard, she was traveling around the country, but that was a while ago. I don't know what she's been up to lately and I really don't care. I decided for Aiden to not inform me of how Spencer or, actually any of the Carlins, were doing or what they were up to, unless I asked. I only asked once and that was when she was "traveling the country." I felt it was better for me to not know because it would be easier to forget about everything._

_The truth is, I want to know how she's doing. What she's doing. I want to know everything._

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July 21, 2012

I smiled, "Yea…Yea I'll talk to you later…Love you, too." I turned around to look at Aiden staring at me.

I must have had a smile plastered on my face that I couldn't get off of because Aiden gave me the are-you-done-yet look. He paused a moment. He said in a girly voice, "Jess and Ashley sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-" I hit him on the arm, hard; to make sure I got the message across to him that he needed to stop acting like a child. He said, "Oww." He started to rub the pain away. He asked, "What was that for?"

I informed, "For being an idiot. Jess and I have been going out for a year now and you still say that every single time I get off the phone with her."

He acted like a child again. He said playfully, "But you still act like a five year old with a crush when you talk to her." I gave him an annoyed look. "And it was an out-of-the-blue conversation when you told us you two were going out. Especially that it had only been a couple years since Sp-"

I cut him off, "Just don't. Please? Don't bring up her name. "

Aiden said sincerely, "Sorry. I just thought you were o-"

I cut him off again to stop him from completing his sentence. I said, "It's fine. Can we just go now?"

He said simply, "Yea. You got your coat?"

"Yea. Let's go."

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The Bar

_Now, I've been to many bars before, but this one was, by far, the best one. The place was OFF DA HOOK. It was filled with so many people—very flirty ones might I add. And we picked the night to go when they gave out free drinks. Well, one free drink per person, but it still made it a hell of a lot of fun. Oh, and it was a gay bar. _

_We got there pretty early, but only because we were supposed to meet some locals at the time they felt was good-10:00. Ugh damn locals. Don't they know my bedtime __**is**__ 10? Just kidding. Aiden and I went along with it, simply because we had nothing better to do. _

_By 10:05, I was ready to hit the sack. By then, I had already consumed three drinks, voluntarily. I felt I had to numb a certain pain I was feeling. Well, let me say, it worked wonders. I was fully conscious and aware of my surroundings, but the pain was gone. Aiden and I stuck with each other most of the night, mostly because he was afraid I was going to drink my sorrow away. I assured him I wasn't going to do that, but that was __**before**__ I took my first drink. _

_I better get to my story before I pass out. _

So I was sitting at the bar, with Aiden, of course and I looked around at my surroundings for a second. Now, the light was extremely dark so I didn't have perfect vision of who or what could've been standing around me.

I looked across the room and spotted a blonde girl out. The girl had the hair, definitely the body, but not the scent of Spencer. She could've been a clone of her from where I was looking. I got up from my seat, took my drink for the ride, and walked over to the girl. The girl had her back to me so she didn't see me walking towards her. I reached the girl, after stumbling a few times over my own feet, and tapped the top of her shoulder. Before she turned around I asked, "Spencer?"

The girl turned around to reveal—it wasn't Spencer. It wasn't even close to the Spencer I thought it was. She had very brown, ugly eyes that in no way could've resembled Spencer's. The girl said rudely, "I'm not Spencer."

I replied back rudely, "Thank God." I marched away from her to sit in my spot I had left earlier.

About an hour went by and I was beyond beat. The girls in the bar tired me out to the point of almost falling asleep at the bar. _I have to get it out there- I did not do anything more than dance with those girls. A lot of them flirted with me, but I did not return it because I'm in a committed relationship with Jess. The flirting wasn't the best part of the night, anyway._

Aiden and I were standing up, walking around the area, nonchalantly. I said, "Ten more minutes?"

Aiden looked over at me and agreed. I could tell he was tired just by looking at his eyes. I walked over to the bar, leaving Aiden wherever he wandered off to, to get some water to "dilute" the alcohol I induced in the past hour. I sat on a stool and asked the bartender, "Can I get a water?" The guy nodded his head and proceeded to get me water.

Next thing I know, I felt a big nudge in my back. I knew it was the person next to me without even looking. I said offensively, "Would you mind where you're fucking going?" I turned to look at the face of the person I yelled at. I almost swallowed my heart when I said, "Spencer?"

Spencer had her mouth wide open. After a few moments of staring each other, not saying anything, Spencer finally said, "Ashley?" She followed that up with, "It's so good to see you."

I stood still as Spencer wrapped her arms around me. I was still too in shock to hug _my_ arms around _her_. I breathed out, "Spencer." _I smelled her scent again. The scent that drove me crazy. The one that still does._

She released me from her arms and looked at me with a big smile. With her hands on my upper arms she says, "Well don't act like you don't know me."

I finally confessed, "I'm just shocked to see you here, right in front of me."

She took her hands off. She shrugged her shoulders. She said simply, "Well it's me. I'm me."

I smiled. I said, "Yes it is." There was a pause, but it wasn't awkward. "So how have you been?"

She replied enthusiastically, "Great! I'm starting my senior year at UCLA in September. How have you been?" She looked really happy and healthy. _I'm glad for her. _She also looked like she had a drink or two prior to the conversation, but she wasn't drunk.

I replied, trying to be enthusiastic about the whole situation, "That's wonderful. I'm starting my senior year at Boston in September. Aiden and I are just on vacation."

Spencer seemed shocked. _She was probably shocked I told her Aiden was with me._ She shrugged her eyebrows. She asked, "Are you going to be here for a while?"

I informed her, "Actually, Aiden and I were just about to leave." I pointed my finger towards the door. I looked at the slight disappointment in her face. "But we're going to be in Florida until the 8th."

She smiled again. She said happily, "That's awesome because I'm gonna be here until the 28th." _Yup, only a week with her. That's not much time at all._ She clapped her hands together to show her enthusiasm.

All I did was plaster on a fake smile and said, "That's awesome." _Truth is, I'm scared out of my mind. I'm afraid I'm going to fall back in love with her and then end up losing her again. I went through that once; I don't think I can do that again. _Aiden walked up to me, not two seconds after I said that.

He asked, without noticing Spencer, "You ready?"

Spencer caught him off guard by saying, "Hey, Aiden." She waved.

Aiden turned to look at her. He was so shocked to see her. Aiden said sincerely, "Oh my God, Spencer. It's so good to see you again." He went in for a hug and she returned it.

She replied with a smile, "It's good to see you too." They pulled away from each other. She asked, "You guys are leaving already?"

I replied, "Yea I'm beat. I gotta get some sleep." I looked at her slightly disappointed face. I tried to cheer it up. "It was good to see you." I gave her a big, passionate hug.

We broke away and I began to walk away. Aiden threw up his hand at Spencer to express "goodbye." Spencer sort of yelled, "Hey wait!" She got my attention and I turned around. "Would it be totally wrong to hang out while we're here?"

To not sound so overly enthusiastic about that offer, I replied adequately, "No." I smiled at her. "Just call me. It's the same number."

She joked, "You still have the same phone?"

I chuckled. I replied, jokingly, "Shut up." _Are you still the same Spencer?_

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July 22, 2012

I got a call today at 9 am from a certain someone, but it was okay because I was already up. _I don't have the ability to sleep until 12 or 1 in the afternoon-even during break. Aiden can sleep until 3 in the afternoon, if he wanted to. Actually, I think he has before. _Aiden was asleep when the phone rang.

I picked up my phone, immediately knowing who it was because it was an unknown number. I answered in a joyful tone, "Hey."

She answered back, happier than I made out to be. She said, "Hey. Meet me at the beach in an hour." She paused. She added quickly, "And bring your bathing suit."

I replied sarcastically, "Oh. I thought I was going to need my winter jacket, gloves, hat-"

She cut me off because my joke was getting too old, too quick for her. She said, "Shut up and just meet me there in an hour."

I smiled. I replied, "Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

I got my things together to be ready for the beach. I made sure I left Aiden a note, telling him where I was, right on the TV screen so he didn't miss it.

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At the beach

We were sitting on the beach, soaking in all of the sun into our already tan skin. _I think we both had our eyes closed. _We had been there for at least an hour. I finally got the guts to start a conversation. _I wasn't feeling as comfortable as I have been with her because it felt awkward, considering where we left off. And we hadn't seen each other in almost 4 years! That's too long._

I asked, "So what's new?" _What's new? What kind of question is that? It should've went more like, "Did you think of me at least once during the past four years?"_ I dared to look at her reaction.

She turned to me and went off like a siren, "Tony and I got engaged!" My heart broke into a million pieces right there. _First of all, I can't believe she actually "turned straight" from that camp. And second of all, she obviously doesn't care about me the way I do her because she seemed way too happy when she said that._

Without making it too obvious that she broke my heart by saying that, I changed the subject. I lied, "That's so weird because I just proposed to Jess about a month ago." I waited to see the reaction on her face.

I stumped her. She asked, "Jess? Your best friend, Jess?"

I admitted, "Yea. We were great friends for so long that it was bound to happen eventually. We actually fell in love with each other so quickly." I lied again, but only to show I've "moved" on, too.

She seemed a little shocked, _and slightly disappointed? Maybe the disappointment is all hopes._ She said sincerely, "That's so great. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. You too. I mean I'm happy for you, too." She smiled. I paused. "So are you like not gay anymore?" _I've been known for my abrupt questions at the wrong time. I should probably get it checked out. It's becoming a real problem._

She answered, "I'm not into labels anymore." She smiled at her own corny joke. I thought it was funny. I chuckled.

I said in a more calm tone, "Well how does your mom feel about that?" She got serious quickly. She looked down at the ground. "Spencer?"

She finally admitted, "She…uh passed away about a year ago." _Well I guessed it couldn't have been a heart attack because I'm pretty sure she didn't have one. Ha-ha. Not the right time for that, Ashley._

_It was sad news, but I honestly didn't know how to react because I put into consideration what she did to Spencer and I._ But I had to show sympathy for Spencer. "Spencer, I'm so sorry, " I said.

She shook her head, "It's okay. Everything happens for a reason, right?" She gave me the look like I had said that before. _I had, but I really didn't want to hear it the way she put it._

I changed the subject. I said, "Race you to the water?" I stood up and positioned myself to start running.

She smiled and looked at the water, debating if she would go. She bit her lip. She squinted her eyes to look up at me because the sun was shining in her eyes. A couple seconds later, she jumped up and starting running. Before I knew it, Spencer was more than halfway to the water.

I took just a second to soak in what was going on. I thought to myself, "We're back to being friends, I think. That's good, right?" Then I darted out towards the water. I watched Spencer's body get slammed by a wave. I ran right into the water, causing the cool water to refresh my body. I looked over at Spencer, who was completely drenched (so was I). I started to act like a little kid and splashed her with a big wave of water. It caught her off guard so she gasped deeply. She immediately splashed me back and we got into a "splashing war." _That sounds so childish, but we kinda were being that._

Pretty soon, we started splashing each other rapidly, causing neither of us to have vision of the other one. Unknowingly, we inched closer to each other as we smacked the water towards each other. Also unknowingly, there was a pretty big wave storming up right next to us.

The next thing I felt was a wave pouncing on my body. Somehow, my body smacked into Spencer's and she came crashing down also. _Ha-ha. For some reason I find that hilarious._ When we were underwater for those split seconds, I swear I felt our bodies touch as if we were hugging each other, _but that would've just been pure fate or luck or something._ After the wave passed by, our bodies immediately bobbed back up to the surface.

We began to walk onto shore, catching our breath on the way there. We stopped at the beginning of the shore and looked directly at each other. I couldn't help myself to not laugh hysterically, so I did. She laughed immediately after I did. _I love seeing her happy and to see her laughing like she did, just makes me ecstatic._

_I don't know what made me look up at the sky, but I did._ It was an overcast look that most likely had the potential to take affect any moment. I said, "Looks like a storms a brewin."

Spencer glanced at the sky. She said, "Yea it does. I better get going then."

I said quickly because I didn't want her to leave yet, "I was just kidding. It's probably just gonna pass by." I paused. I suggested, "Wanna take a walk on the boardwalk?"

She sighed, "Fine, but the second I see a raindrop, I'm running." She smiled.

I smiled back at her and proceeded to where our belongings were.

Spencer gathered her things together before I could even comprehend what I had to put where. She began to walk slowly towards the boardwalk. _She would always be randomly quick or impatient like that and at the weirdest times, too._ Seconds later, a big gust of wind blows right into my face. I pick up my head quickly to see a paper flying around. The wind was short-lived and I took advantage of it. I grabbed the paper as soon as I got control to. I began to read the paper:

_To my dear Spencer,_

_But only once in a lifetime, there is a sudden breeze that passes by. That breeze is what I would like to call "love."_

I almost jumped out of my own body when I realized what it was. I thought to myself, "That's the letter I had written to her three years ago! And it's in its same format-not a duplicate. I can't believe she kept it. I can't believe she brought it with her, unless it was by accident. Why would she bring it? Did she want to talk about it? She'll be shocked to see what **I** _still_ have."

I looked up at Spencer, still walking away in the distance. I quickly threw everything into my bag, not caring where what was placed. I carefully folded the letter and placed it into the zippered section of my bag so it was safe. I picked up my bag and ran towards Spencer.

We walked down the boardwalk with the over-athletic people running and biking in 96-degree heat. Not the one with the rides and games and what not. I wanted a calm, down-to-earth conversation with her.

I started off again, due to my many curiosities of her life. I asked, "So how come Tony didn't come? Is he like hiding from me or something?"

She chuckled, "No. He's on a business trip."

I became slightly embarrassed. I said, "Oh. That's nice, I guess."

She asked, "Well how come Jess isn't with you?"

I said, "Her mom's really sick so she stayed home to take care of her."

Spencer said in a sweet tone, "Aw that's so nice."

I asked, because of my curiosities, "So how did you and Tony get together? I mean if you don't mind me asking."

She said, "No it's fine." She made her thinking face that is still very cute. "Well, we actually are going to UCLA together. And it was so weird because we also had one class with each other in freshman year- Intro to Psych. He took it because he thought it would be fun, but I took it because I hope to be a psychiatrist or something dealing with people. And so from spending so much time with each other, we kind of just clicked and eventually fell in love." She smiled. _I didn't like her smile then-not when I'm not the cause of it. I'm so selfish._

I lied, "That's really nice Spencer."

A clap of thunder suddenly erupted in the sky. The rain didn't procrastinate to fall down on us. It started raining cats and dogs. Spencer looked at me with an annoyed face. She said sarcastically, "It's probably going to pass by."

I said, "Shut up." We started to walk to the car because supposedly if you run, you get more soaked. It didn't help because it began raining harder. "My place is only a couple minutes away if you don't mind coming over. I could lend you a change of clothes."

She nods her head. "Yea. Let's go before it gets too bad to drive."

We ran to the car and drove off to the hotel.

In the car I asked Spencer another question that was eating at me before, but completely forget to ask. I asked, "So how come you were at a _gay_ bar the other night?"

She confessed, "Well I hadn't been to one before so I figured I would try it out for fun." She laughed to herself. "I never thought I was going to see you there. Never in my wildest dreams."

I snickered, "Yea neither did I."

***

I used the key to open the door and I immediately felt the coolness of the air conditioner hitting our bodies. Aiden was lying on his bed, watching TV. He turned it off as soon as he saw us so there were not any extra disturbances. I greeted Aiden, "Hey. We have a guest." Spencer revealed herself after I moved away from the entrance.

Aiden said enthusiastically, "Hey Spence. Strange seeing you again."

Spencer exaggerated, "Well Ashley basically dragged me over here."

Aiden asked playfully, "Oh she did?"

I changed the subject. I pointed to my bag in the corner and said, "Spencer, my bag is over there. Just grab whatever you want."

"Okay." She dropped her bag on the floor near the door and proceeded to go through my luggage. _It didn't bother me. She's seen my clothes __**on me**__ and __**off me**__ so it was no big deal._

I placed my bag next to Spencer's. I walked over to my bed to lie on it. Spencer grabbed clothes and went to change in the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, Aiden looked over at me and whispered, "What do you think you're doing?"

I didn't know what he was talking about. I asked, "What?"

He whispered loudly, "With Spencer! She's engaged!"

"I kn—, "I paused to think about that. "YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?"

He said quickly, "I wasn't going to tell you. You wouldn't have taken it well. I know you."

Spencer walked out of the bathroom, looking so sexy in my clothes. _Was she trying to provoke something? Was she trying to mess with my head? _As soon as Spencer walked out of the bathroom, Aiden excused himself from the room. He said, "Well I'm gonna get some air."

I said to point out the obvious, "It's raining out."

He made an excuse, "I'm just going around the halls. Don't worry." I tried to stop him because I didn't want to be in a room alone with Spencer. I honestly didn't trust myself. He closed the door behind him, leaving me to control my urges by myself.

Spencer looked at her (my) clothes and then at me. She laughed lightly. She said, "I never thought I was going to be wearing your clothes again."

I smiled. "Yea. Well you still look good in them." _It slipped out._

Thank God she took it in a positive way. "Thanks." She twisted her body like a princess.

Another one slipped out. "Do you ever think about us?"

She thought about it for a second. She quickly smiled and said, "I honestly do, but that was in the past. Things are totally different now, right?"

I lied, "Right." I paused to direct my attention towards my fingers. "Do you think that we would still be together if things were different?"

She looked at me with a sullen look. She said, "I don't know, Ashley. We were young and in love and most likely those things don't work out. I don't know. Do you think so?" _Was she trying to mess with my head again? I have proof that she most likely still thinks of us and still wishes there were an "us."_

I admitted. I nodded my head, "Yea I think we would've. I think we really loved each other."

Spencer shook her head.

I replied quickly, "I know, I know." I almost started tearing, but I held it back. "I just wish we could go back in time and just… I don't know."

Spencer shook her head again, "Ash…I did too at one point, but that was a long time ago. Things have changed."

I waited a bit and then I got sharp with her, "If things have changed so much then why was the letter I left you, in your bag?"

Her mouth opened wide. She breathed out, "You found that?"

I said quietly, "Yea it somehow blew out of your bag when you walked away to go to the boardwalk." For some reason, I got angry with her. I said, "Why do you still have it? Why didn't you just throw it away and forget about it—forget about us?" She started crying and shaking her head. She didn't respond. "Don't cry. Just…why did you keep it?"

Spencer sniffled, "Why would I throw away the only thing that reminded me of you?"

"Because you've obviously moved on. You're engaged!"

She said quickly, "That doesn't mean shit Ashley!" She paused. "I'm engaged to him because after two years of sitting around, waiting for you, I gave up. I moved on to someone who cared about me enough to stick around when I most needed him and be with me through thick and thin. Tony did that for me."

I yelled, "How can you say I didn't care about you! I cared about you more than anything and you know it!"

She said sarcastically, "Yea, you cared so much that before I came home, you left without saying goodbye. I was left with a goodbye letter and a fucking journal. You never called, wrote, e-mailed--nothing. You did absolutely nothing."

I couldn't believe we were fighting, but I continued to go along with it. "How the hell was I supposed to get in contact with you if your mother was around? There was no way we could've made it through her." I paused. "I wrote that letter to help ease myself into realizing there was never going to be an "us" with you and me because your mother would've never accepted it."

Spencer didn't say anything.

I confessed, "That whole year that I was without you, I was absolutely miserable. You were my life, Spencer- every ounce of it. There was nothing that I wouldn't have done to be with you, but I couldn't find anything I could do, so I gave up." I paused. "It took me so much effort to write that letter. I didn't want to say goodbye."

She yelled, "You don't think it was hell for me, too? I had to go to that place and stay there for a whole year! I tried to pretend I was straight, but they saw past every trick. I had to convince myself I was straight, just to come home to see you." She paused. "And you know what? You weren't there! How the hell am I supposed to forgive that?"

I replied quickly, "Because I tried everything I could."

She shook her head, "It wasn't enough." She sniffled and wiped her tears away.

Aiden stepped through the door right after that. He immediately saw Spencer's tears. He asked, "Is everything all right?"

Spencer cleared her throat. She said, "Aiden, can you drive me to the beach please? My car's still there."

I quickly said, "Spencer please…don't leave it like this."

She waved me off. She said, "I have to."

Aiden looked at me with a confused face. He waved his hand up at me and then escorted Spencer out of the room.

_I don't even know what to make of that. I think I still have strong feelings for her. I don't think they ever left. And by the way she was so emotional, gets me thinking that she still does, too, but it's probably too late to even find out. I probably just lost her again. I promised to never let anyone take her away from me, but I've managed to have three people do that, already: Madison, Paula, and now Tony. Fuck. I'm not gonna let her slip again. _

_She has my clothes._

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_**The Song **_

I've spent the last two days, writing a song that explains how I feel about Spencer. I'm surprised I was able to write the whole thing in just two days, but I had inspiration. Inspiration to be in Spencer's heart.

_**July 26, 2012**_

I drove over to Spencer's hotel today. Her hotel and room number was mentioned in a conversation we had on Sunday. But anyways I went to tell her how I feel and what I've felt over the years. I didn't care if she didn't feel the same way because at least I would've known I did my part. I brought my guitar and my music sheet to sing my song. And my little surprise gift I have for her.

I got to the hotel and ran to her room. I banged on her door furiously because it was urgent. She opened the door quickly saying, "What?" She seemed pissed, but I didn't care.

I begged, "Spencer, I have to do something. Just let me do the whole thing and then you can do whatever you want to me-yell, scream, holler, hit. I don't care. I just need to get this out." I pushed my way into her room.

"What is it?"

I grabbed the chair from the desk in the room they supply you with. I place my sheets on the table and the guitar on the floor. I pointed to the bed and said, "Would you just sit on the bed, please? You still need to learn how to be patient."

She surprisingly followed my wishes and sat on the bed. I turned the chair to face Spencer directly. I sat down and unzippered my guitar case to pull out my guitar. I grabbed my music sheet behind me and put it in front of me. I didn't waste anytime. I said, "This is for you. It's my song to you."

If You're Not the One

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?

If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?

If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings

But I know you're here with me now

We'll make it through

And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?

If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?

If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?

If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away

But I know that this much is true

We'll make it through

And I hope you are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with

And I pray that you're the one I build my home with

I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away

And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today

'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right

And though I can't be with you tonight

I now my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand

If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?

Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

I looked at the floor as I strummed the last note. I finally looked up at Spencer. I knew the look she gave me. The one that just says "why" in a sad way. Her voice broke as she said, "Why did you write that?"

I confessed, not caring if there were going to be bad repercussions, "I still love you Spencer." I looked back down at the floor. "I promised you I would never let anyone take you away from me, but as you know, I broke that promise numerous times. I'm not going to let it happen again because I know you still love me." I reached into my bag to grab my surprise. The room was a little dark because it was, yet, another overcast day and Spencer didn't have a light on. Anyways, I don't think she saw what I had in my hand until I put it right in front of her. I cleared my throat. I knelt down on my knee and opened the box to reveal the ring. It was the ring that I had given her three years ago. It was the promise ring. She gasped louder than I ever knew someone could. "It's now being used for what it should've been all along." I paused. "I know that I can't live without you. I need you more than anything and I know you need me a little bit, too. My life won't be complete unless you're a part of it." I clearly said, "Spencer, will you marry me?"

There was an extremely long pause before she even blinked an eye. She looked me straight in the eyes and all I could do was bite my lip and wait for an answer. Spencer let out one big puff of air and said, "Yes."

I didn't expect her to say yes because of the recent events and what not. I asked, "What?"

She sighed, "I feel this is _my_ sudden breeze. I'm not going to let it blow by. I love you too much." She shrugged her shoulders.

I put the ring on the floor, in a safe spot, and practically jumped on top of her like I was an animal, fighting for a meal. I kissed her passionately, showing her how much I care about her. She laid back on the bed and I enthusiastically followed to proceed with our **things**.

***

Now, I'm not going to write what went on because some things need to be left for memory only. But what I will write is what happened _after._

We were lying down on the bed. Spencer had her head comfortably on my chest. I was stroking her hair, getting used to having the ability to touch her again. I was glad for her to be in my arms again, but the peace was very rapidly disrupted.

Spencer, very clearly, and abruptly might I add, said, "I'm pregnant." I thought I was hearing things, but when I asked her to say that again she said, "I'm pregnant." _What the hell? How come she didn't tell me before? _

I said, "Well I know it wasn't me so that leaves… Tony." I put my hand over my head to help analyze what the hell I got myself into. "Oh my God. How far are you along?"

She said, in a tone that was supposed to calm me, but didn't, "Only a couple of months."

I said as I was hyperventilating, "Oh my God." I quickly got up from the bed and grabbed my clothes to throw them on. "Oh my God!" I packed together my guitar and music. I left the ring, by accident. _Right now, I don't know if I should've taken it or left it there. I don't know if I still want to be with her. She has a baby on the way and is engaged, but I love her. How the hell am I supposed to even comprehend all that?_

She asked, "Where are you going?"

I ran towards the door. I said, "I don't know. I need to think things over."

_And that was it. I got a lot of things to think about. I mean I would never ask for her to get rid of the baby, but how are we supposed to take care of a baby, get a wedding prepared, AND graduate? _

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_**July 27, 2012: 11:00 pm **_

_I haven't talked to Spencer since I last saw her, but she's called. I just haven't picked up because I'm still so flabbergasted by the whole situation. I don't know what to do._

In Spencer's last message, she said she left Tony. She just told him the whole truth—excluding the part about being pregnant—and said she loved someone else. She told me he was a little mad, but he's one of those 'as long as she's happy, I'm happy" guys.

As soon as I listened to that message, I called up Jess to confess everything. I told her that I, surprisingly, saw Spencer here and things started to rekindle. She was very understanding about the situation. It wasn't surprising for me to hear she wasn't mad because Jess is a very understanding person. We've agreed to stay good friends because we can't live without each other. We're each other's support group. _I really needed one, but I wasn't going to bother Jess with this one. Especially not after I just broke up with her last night._

So, as a last resort, I went to Aiden for advice. We were watching TV and I, out of nowhere, confessed what had happened over the past few days- even the break-ups. I finally said, "I don't know what to do, Aiden."

He looked at me like I was dumb. He said, "You love her. There's no decision to make, Ashley."

I stated the obvious, "How the hell are we supposed to raise a baby, graduate, and get married? It's impossible."

Aiden scuffed his voice, "No it isn't. Love can conquer any obstacle. You two will be fine."

I said quietly, "I don't know." I looked at the clock and realized how late it was. I was so exhausted that I pretty much just had to lay my head back on the bed to fall asleep.

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_**July 28, 2012**_

_I'm writing what happened earlier in the day. So here's how it went: _

I woke up at noon, not knowing what day it was. I also woke up with a clear conscience and realized what Aiden had practically already told me. I love Spencer so much and I wasn't going to let anything interfere with us being together. And raising a baby together would just make me grow more in love with her. _I'm excited to be a parent._

So I woke up and greeted Aiden, who was sitting at the desk, doing the crossword. He replied back, nonchalantly. I asked him what time it was and he said, "12."

I said in shock, "12!" _How did I manage to sleep that late? That never happens_. I sat, upright on my bed and started to think about what today was. It immediately popped into my mind that today was Spencer's departure and her plane was taking off in 45 minutes. I jumped out of the bed and grabbed my jacket, keys, and phone. I ran out of the room so fast, that I don't even think Aiden had time to process a question to ask.

I knew that check out was 11 for her so I definitely didn't go to the hotel. I drove straight to the airport. The ride to airport took me a half an hour.

As soon as I got into the airport, I looked at the screen with all of the different flights to find out which terminal Spencer's was. And of course, it was the farthest one from where I was standing. I didn't even think for a second—I just ran towards the terminal and didn't stop until I reached it.

After 10 minutes of swerving in and out of the crowdedness of the airport, I reached the designated terminal. I asked the lady that was controlling the…whatever you want to call it. I huffed, "When is this flight leaving?"

She said in a disappointed voice as someone in the background closed the door leading to the plane, "I'm sorry, but the flight's getting ready for take off."

I exhaled deeply. I said to her, "Thanks." I said to myself, "How perfect." I put my hand on my head, trying to figure out what to do. After I caught my breath, I figured I would call Aiden to tell him what's up. I turned on my phone to call him.

_Ring…_ "Hello," he said.

I blurted, "I lost her. I let her go. The plane took off and now she's gone. _We're_ gone."

He said, "How can you say that? How can you say it's over?"

I replied quickly, "Because the plane's gone, Aiden. She left and I never got to tell her how I feel."

He said in a sly voice, "Why don't you just turn around?"

"Huh?" I said as I turned around to see Aiden and Spencer, standing together. _Oh my God._

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I walked up to Spencer and gave her the biggest hug. I pulled away, stuttering, "How did…Who…What?"

She smiled, "Stutters, take it easy." She paused. "I knew that I couldn't leave without you with me. SO instead of going to the airport, I went straight to you. And I have your clothes."

I smiled and consoled, "Spencer, I just want to say that no matter what happens, baby or no baby, I will always love you. There's nothing or no one that can change that. And I would be more than happy to raise a baby with you."

She grabbed my face, in a gentle way, and began to kiss me. And kiss me and kiss me and…well you get the point. _And then we lived happily ever after. Ha-ha. I always wanted to say that._

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_5 years later_

_**Present day **_

_**Spencer's POV **_

It's really late and I just finished reading the set of journal entries to James, editing out the inappropriate parts a five year old shouldn't hear. He's been asking to read them to him a lot lately, well ever since—

He interrupts me by asking, "Mommy, when is Ashley coming back?"

I try to put it the best way I can. I say in a calm tone, "She's not coming back, honey."

He asks, "Why?"

I say in a sullen tone, "Because she got very sick and Grandma is up, in Heaven, taking care of her."

He makes a disappointed face, but doesn't say anything.

I console him, "Don't worry, she's watching over you. And you know what?"

"What?"

I try to make him laugh, "She knows when little kids named James don't go to bed when they should." I started to tickle him like Ashley did. I stop after realizing how much I miss it. I release him.

He makes a scared look. He jumps from the couch and immediately runs into his room. I chuckle at his reactions. I pick myself up from my chair and bring the journal over to the dresser. I place it on top of the other journal and next to the infamous letter. I look at the journal collections and say out loud, "Don't worry Ashley, one day, we will be, again."


End file.
